07 December 2019

Dear Younger Me

Dear Younger Me,

I want to start by saying I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry about the horrible things you experienced and had no control over. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to speak up when you hurting. I'm sorry you had to hurt alone. I'm sorry we missed out on a lot of things. Either of our weight or because of our mental health. Sometimes I wish we had taken care of those things earlier, particularly our weight. We learned about Gyaru and how small everything is.

I want to tell you about the good news. Because of what you endured, you met really nice people in the end. You're engaged to a really handsome man who treats you like a princess and you have a best friend who is so kind and selfless and helped you through bad times. We may not have a huge group of friends around us, but we've learned that it's quality over quantity.

Now you may not be where you want to be career and art talent-wise but that's okay. You still have time. It's not the end of the world. It sucks yes, but during our 20s, I needed to take care of the you inside me. So that our 30s can be stress-free. Or as stress-free as possible. We've learned who we are inside, and how to deal with trauma and bad people. We've had to cut those people out of our lives to heal and let them be healed.

We're not the best with makeup but at least we have a proper shade of foundation! At least we can look up how to make cute looks. Granted makeup is extremely expensive and we're broke but we can take our time and get what we need little by little.

We've also had some fun times while we're older. We've been to Disneyland and cried on the Little Mermaid ride, we've been to anime conventions and even sold at one. We learned to be more prepared to sell at them but we had fun.

Listen baby Arri, we don't have the life we imagined right now but that's okay. We still have had a good life so far. Don't get discouraged, don't give up. Don't go to the E.R. when you start getting that pain in your chest. That's a panic attack and you need to see a Psychologist and therapist asap. Also, the bill for that will be ridiculous.

There's so much more I wish I could say to you but we'd be here all day. But here's a few more things to know, Daddie gets worse before he gets better. Mommie gets sick too, but it's what makes us want to lose weight. It shouldn't have been, but we see her in the hospital and realize we need to get healthier to take care of her if we need too. Gabby is your ride or die, bitch. Cherish her and be good to her. Abe is the BEST man you'll ever be with. His family is kind and include you in so many things. So learn Spanish… It's easier for someone young to learn a new language and someone older and you can talk to his mom a good deal. Also as a couple, Abe and I say "I love you" so much to the point you would think it doesn't mean as much but it does.

I love you baby Arri, you'll be okay. I promise.

15 October 2019

Rest in Peace Sulli (1994-2019)

TW: Suicide & Mental Health

On October 14th, 2019, Sulli (Choi Jin-ri) former member of the kpop group f(X) was found passed away from a suicide. It's heartbreaking that this is the second idol I've know of and who has left such an impact in me that has passed away in the manner. The first being Jonghyun of Shinee. Both groups introduced me to Kpop and allowed me to make friends with people who I would never have thought I could.

Because of how important I feel they are to me in the regard, I hope that more people feel the same way and also believe that if we care about these idols we should do what we can to help them. Help encourage them to seek help for their mental health. Encourage an openness about the topic and remove the stigma. So they don't have to suffer alone, that their fan care about them and want them to be well. We should also encourage and demand a reform to mental health care. Not just in Korea but in more places. 

No one should have should have to feel scared to ask for help or feel like it's more important to put on a brave face to not burden anyone. I'm not familiar with the pain Sulli was dealing with and I'm sure she had a group of people who cared for her and wanted to help and maybe even tried. But she shouldn't have had to feel as though taking her life was her only option.

I want to thank Sulli from the deepest part of my heart for the love and happiness that she added to my life. I know wherever she is, she is missed and will never be forgotten. 

09 October 2019

Wishlist Wednesday : Plus Sized Vixen

Hello, cuties! So I've been on Instagram a lot lately. Not posting but just browsing and I realized I could make so many plus-sized Larme coords even though I'm not a plus-sized Japanese size. my inspiration was this beautiful coord from Carisse Iris and it looked simple enough and the only Japanese brand she used was her Liz Lisa sweater. 

Top~ Liz Lisa

Dress~ boohoo
Fishnets~ Dollskill
Heels~ Jeffrey Campbell

So I scoured the internet and put this together!
 I wanted to make it more towards the Pheromone Fetish sub-style so I used a color palette to lead me in the right direction. 

1 - Plus Leopard Print Cami Top 
2 - Bright Like A Diamond Tights
3 - Plus Wrap Front Fluffy Knit Sweater 
4 - Plus Woven Scallop Mini Skirt 
5 - Royal Crown Gold and White Watch 
6 - Dark Prismatic Strut Platform Heels
7 - Double-strand Necklace
8 - Furla Brava 
9 - Heart-shaped Earrings
10 - 2-pack Hair Clips with Beads

I think this coord would be very cute for a date night or just a girl's night for drinks. 
But would you wear this to? Let me know! 

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